BRIGHTON & HOVE
BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT

BEREAVEMENT

Bereavement is something which most people experience some time in their lives and we all react to it in different ways.  You might find it helpful, however, to have the following about the more common patterns that bereavement takes.

Taking each day as it comes

You may find that your initial reaction has been one of shock and disbelief.  You may have had periods of being calm and detached and then you may have felt 'all at sea'.

At times you may find that you've lost all interest in living and feel that there's no point in going on and you may even begin to question your own sanity and feel that you are 'going mad'.  Although these feeling s are very painful, they are also very common experiences.

With the passage of time, as the pain eases, you may find yourself being able to remember without being sad.  This can be a time to begin your life again, a chance for you to renew old interests and take up new pursuits.  You may feel that 'starting again' is disloyal to the person who has died, but what has happened in the past will always be part of you - and need not be affected by your trying to enjoy the present.

How can you help yourself?

As well as feeling grief and sadness you may also feel some of the following emotions: guilt, panic, fear, self-pity and anger - even at the dead person.  If you do experience these emotions it's important to share then with a sympathetic listener.

You may also find yourself feeling hurt and convinced that some of your friends are avoiding you.  This often happens - and is usually only due to embarrassment - 'not knowing what to say',  Let them know that you need them and their support.

It can be tempting at this time to feel that life would be more bearable if you moved house, or quickly disposed of your possessions, or refused to see people.  It is a very natural urge to avoid painful things.  Bereavement is a time of very painful emotions - and if you allow yourself to experience these, it will help you, ultimately, to build your life again.

Getting through

Grief can make you physically run down and you may find it difficult to eat and sleep.  Usually these symptoms disappear after a while, but if they persist for a long time you'll need to consult your GP.

Grieving is a very individual process and each of us reacts differently, so there is no need to feel in any way abnormal if your grief does not follow the pattern outlined above.

Equally, it is a very isolating process: it may seem that no one else could understand what you are going through; you may doubt the possibility of ever feeling 'normal' again.  Try to bear in mind, and reassure yourself with the fact, that millions of people have had experience of grief - and have survived.

Help available

Brighton and Hove Bereavement Support is sponsored by the Churches in the City.  Our trained visitors, drawn from local congregations, have knowledge and understanding of the process of grief, and receive regular supervision.  We aim to provide a confidential listening and support service, face-to-face and with out religious bias.

Care when care is needed

Brighton and Hove Bereavement support is a FREE service available to anyone who has recently suffered the loss through death of someone they love.

A trained visitor will visit on a regular basis with the aim of supporting a person through their grieving.

The service is confidential.  If someone you loved has recently died and you feel it would be helpful to talk through some of your feelings please get in touch, or, if you know of any recently bereaved people, tell them about us.

Children and young people

The latest development has been the setting up of Stepping Stones which is designed for children and young people. If you know of a grieving child who might benefit from independent support, please pick up on one of the special green leaflets or telephone 01273 772210 and speak to our co-ordinator Judy Greenfield or go to our web page at: www.bhbereavementsupport.org.uk